There’s an old skit from Saturday Night Live years ago featuring a needy character named Stuart Smalley. They were basically making fun of the whole personal growth culture in recovery. His book was called, “You’re Good Enough, You’re Smart Enough And Doggone it, People Like You.”
As much as people might make fun of it, it’s funny because it’s true.
That’s exactly what people need to be telling themselves!
What is self-esteem?
One good, simple definition is: “your overall opinion of yourself.”
Wikipedia says, “an individual’s subjective evaluation of their own worth.”
The lower your self-esteem, the more you’ll struggle to get and keep a good job, find a partner you deserve, feel that life is positive, avoid depression, and more…
Your opinion of yourself is far more powerful than anyone else’s.
So, how do you influence your own opinion?
Here are the two most important things to do:
ONE) Surround yourself with kind people. (Ditch unkind people.)
If you hang out with people who put you down, make fun of you or your goals, or are unsupportive it’s almost impossible to build your self-esteem. You might even allow yourself to believe what they say but even worse, what’s the message you send to yourself when you are around hateful and unkind people?
Only surround yourself with people who lift you up and don’t tear you down.
I know, I know. What if it’s your Mom or your brother and you can’t avoid them?
Radically reduce the time you are around them and do your best not to pay attention to their negativity. If you want to point out how you feel being around them, that you don’t like how they speak to you and about you, go for it.
But, don’t expect that they will change.
TWO) Change how you talk to yourself.
In the book, The Untethered Soul, the author asks, “How would you feel if someone outside started talking to you the way your inner voice does? After a very short period of time, you would tell them to leave and never come back.”
We all can be incredibly cruel to ourselves.
You can’t allow it.
Whether it’s in your head or aloud if you find yourself saying anything negative… ANYTHING… say “cancel, cancel” and do not finish the thought. Let it go. (Something I learned from Jack Canfield.)
I don’t care if it’s true. I don’t care if you are “trying to motivate yourself” to be better.
You can’t use self-hatred to become someone you value and respect.
How you talk to yourself is the biggest factor in damaging or building up your self-esteem. Stopping this destructive habit will go a long way to repairing your self-esteem.
Now, if you can stop saying the bad stuff, the second part is to start saying the good stuff.
(I guess technically this is three things, so we’ll call it 2.5.)
Nature abhors a vacuum. That means now that you’re quitting the negative, fill in the thought space with good thoughts about yourself.
No matter how weird or uncomfortable. Say it.
Out loud. To yourself. About how amazing you are.
There’s an old skit from Saturday Night Live years ago featuring a needy character named Stuart Smalley. They were basically making fun of the whole personal growth culture in recovery. His book was called, “You’re Good Enough, You’re Smart Enough And Doggone it, People Like You.”
As much as people might make fun it, it’s funny because it’s true.
That’s exactly what people need to be telling themselves!
If you only did these 2.5 things… you could completely rebuild your self-esteem.
There’s a lot of cruelty and heartbreak in the world.
You don’t have to take it.
You can change it.
It starts with how you show up for yourself.
Comments? Let us know your thoughts. And if you liked this post, please share! – AW
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