People often ask us how they can stop taking rejection and the no’s personally.
Wanting to avoid being rejected is biologically wired into us. We are tribal beings and we were created with a desire to not get thrown out of the tribe. Good survival tip. Add to that low self-confidence or poor self-esteem and it can be a major challenge. But of course these days, such concerns no longer serve us.
Can you dramatically reduce your fears of being rejected?
Absolutely. I’ve done it myself and I’ve personally heard from thousands of others over the years who have as well. It can take some time. But it’s totally possible.
Side note: when we speak to an audience of 1000 people, usually there is one person that comes up and tells us that they have ZERO issues with being told no! They love it. So, there is 1 out of 1000 in my experience. If that is YOU… congrats. For the rest of us, keep reading.
Now, keep in mind no matter how good you get, rejection will always hurt – at least a tiny bit – and that’s the biology part. And there is no way around that sting or the visceral “pit in the stomach” gut reaction. We need to learn to live with that.
So, let’s move onto the mindset part which we can control. And here is the secret…
Instead of worrying about not taking ‘no’ personally, learn not to take anything personally, bad… or… good.
Let that sink in a minute. Bad. Or Good.
This is one of The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:
Don’t Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
The secret is, you can’t anything personally. Even the good stuff.
Think about the idea of having preferences for things: colors, sizes, designs… and then there’s preferences for places, weather, houses, cars, pets, foods… even people. Literally, everything in the world merely exists until we place meaning – own judgments and preferences onto them. Sometimes that meaning is good (we like it) or we don’t like it. But our preferences reflect only about us and nothing about the thing in question.
But we all want love (or at least to be liked) so when we hear something good about us or our work, of course, we take it personally! It’s good – and it’s about us! It’s no surprise then, that when it comes to people NOT liking us or our product, service, or creation – we’ve trained ourselves to also take that personally.
The assumption is: if the good stuff is about us then so must the bad be. And right there is where we get into trouble. Accept none of it.
Read The Four Agreements, it can change your life in this area. You will come to realize that all people’s perceptions, reactions, etc. are all about them and not about you. Even when it is, at the most basic level about you it’s not about you.
Embrace this concept and it will free you.
I also recommend that you read the post: How do you handle a mean rejection.
Comments? Please let me know your thoughts. And if you liked this post, please share! – AW
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