You know that awkward moment at a party or networking group when you meet someone and then you both stand there not knowing what to say next? It’s happened to us all. But it doesn’t have to. If you can teach yourself a simple strategy, you will never be faced with uncomfortable silences whether you are at a party or a business event of any kind.
How? First, stop saying this: “I don’t know what to say.” I hear people repeat that like a mantra. So, let’s try to stop reinforcing our ability not to be able to do something and focus on the solution.
The issue is not what to say, it’s what do I ask? Questions are the answer! So how do you become skilled at asking questions?
The singular best way is to memorize and use just one or two “go-to” questions that are your favorites and that you can use in 99.9% of situations. Here are mine:
My favorite question with a stranger is, “Where are you from?”
My next favorite question is, “Have you been to (the conference/restaurant/meeting) before?”
And my next favorite… actually I don’t have a next favorite because I can assure you that you don’t need to have another question planned. The conversation and your questions can flow directly from what you learn from these couple of simple questions.
As Dale Carnegie said in his book How to Win Friends and Influence People, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” How do you talk to strangers quickly and easily? Turn them into friends. And there is only one way to do this and it is so easy: ask questions!
What are your favorites? Let me know.
Comments? Please let me know your thoughts. And if you liked this post, please share! – AW
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Sounds ok for trade shows or bored while traveling. but what about day to day application like “opening” for a cold call or job interview?
Skip that is a great question! Again I would select one or two questions that are no-brainers in these situations. Cold calling questions require we know who were talking to and what we are trying to accomplish. I suggest a disqualification method so using me as an example if I am calling someone about speaking, my question is “Do you have sales meetings where you bring in professional speakers?” Study the leaders in your field to get the best questions. If I were interviewing for a job I would ask a question to connect with the interviewer like, “How long have you been with XYZ company?” You can always find the best, right question with enough practice!
Very interesting and useful
Break the ice with a compliment or an obvious observation. Bridge the conversation to get the no with the statement “by the way” and then ask your qualifying question that applies to your product or service.
Hey Andrea! Simon/@LetUsReinvent from twitter here :).
Those are good. Something else is what’s called “situational openers”. It’s where you simply observe something – ANYTHING – around you and make a comment about that. The vibe can be humorous or of any other kind. It’s just you amusing yourself, or genuinely wondering something. The key is to genuinely feel x and then express that feeling.
I think the key, overall, though is that we don’t need to make a good impression. It doesn’t matter. There are people everywhere, and the only reason we’d ever believe otherwise is because we don’t TALK to them. If we think we can’t talk to strangers, then of course we’ll perceive people to be limited. But no one ever wants asskissing (not that you’re suggesting it). If you can be real, you can make a huge impression in the right way, and you won’t be detached to it because you’re simply expressing what you really feel and who you really are.