If you are NEW to Go for No! hopefully this will give you a little insight. If you are a fan of Go for No! you will hopefully find it entertaining!
What are the chances that you will succeed?
If you take a coin, what are the chances that if you flip it, it will be heads? The answer is 50%.
What if you flip that coin 100 times and it comes up heads all 100 times. On the 101st attempt, what are the chances it will come up heads again? Less than 50% now? Actually, no. Each coin toss, no matter what ever y coin toss has done before, is totally independent. So the answer is, it is 50% again.
You attitude about the next interaction must be the same as a coin flip.
You may have gotten one ‘no’ or 100 no’s. But the next conversation and interaction is completely independent of everything that has gone on in the past. It’s easy to let ourselves be haunted by past experiences, especially the negative ones. To think that we will never have it go our way.
So who knows if your chances for success are 50%… more or less. But what we do know is that every time you actually take one of those chances, that next opportunity may just be THE ONE.
Have you read our short fable, Go for No! yet? Get it here at our store or on Amazon if you prefer.
A Guest Post… from Onder Hassan
Looking back on the last decade of my life. It has been an abysmal failure. Failure to build a career, failure to settle down with my own family and a failure to establish the very definition of what society deems ‘a success’. It bothered me for years and made me wonder my own sense of self-worth and was almost close to giving up on life completely. Despite all of these failures, I’ve realized how fortunate I was that I got to experience it all at such a young age – The discouragement from my peers, the jealousy of my school friends and the negativity that surrounded me. There will ultimately come a point in your life where you will have to make a choice, whether to give up or keep going. The truth of the matter is… I’m still here!
Am I really a failure?
The very fact that i’m a year older and wiser proves that it’s simply not true. While life can throw us curve balls, you will never return to the same starting line. Because with failure comes wisdom.
But I can’t ever say that I went through it without my close family. Because the blows would have been much harder, yet they somehow always made them feel less painful. But with everything behind me, I wouldn’t have changed a thing. Everything in this world comes with a price tag – Knowledge and success can’t ever be earned without pain, hardship or mental struggle.
Understanding that, I realized my doubters actually did me a huge favour; They gave me the biggest gift I could have ever wanted – Wisdom and understanding.
If you’re ever struggling at the moment. Don’t feel like you’re in a bad position. You might think you’re behind everyone else right now and may even question your own potential. But the truth is, the more of it you get to experience, the better prepared you’ll be for the future. Now that I fully understand failure for what it is. I invite it into my life. If it comes knocking on your door, I challenge you to do the same and welcome it with open arms – It’s likely here to teach you something. Something so valuable that you will not see it until much later. But trust in it’s harshness, like a father providing tough love. It is all for the best…
About the Author: Onder Hassan is the owner and publisher of Dawn of Change. A self-confidence blog, using case studies and real world experiences to document his progress. He is also the author of How To Cure Social Anxiety: An Alternative Guide. Sign up for his FREE YOU 2.0 course for a simple strategy to overcoming your fears to help take you to the next level. He can be found on Google+
When you re-frame getting a ‘no’ in your life and in your business it’s far less painful if you can embrace it and see the benefits.
So like a gift, when you get it – you keep it and decide what to do with it… where to put it. Like a bad Christmas sweater, you can wear it like a badge of honor or tuck it away in shame.
It’s your choice. But that choice doesn’t matter so much now but it does matter in the future. How you view ‘no’ and how you recover massively influences your future interactions and future results.
Comments? Please let me know your thoughts. And if you liked this post, please share! – AW
… about failure. That was the headline of a recent online video interview I did with Onder Hassan at Dawn of Change.
What is interesting, is that our society claims to value learning from mistakes but often times we see people being publicly shamed or humiliated when failure happens. (Have you checked the #fail hashtag recently?) And yet here is another secret: top achievers and successful people are testing and trying stuff all the time and failing in the process. You just don’t see it and they don’t go out of their way to share it.
So on one hand, you have society looking down on “failure” for the large part, combined with the super successful among us keeping their own failures under wraps.
Luckily the phenomenon is starting to shift. For example, FailCon is a superb example of people coming together, sharing and learning from failures. And there are other people and events contributing to the failure movement; view my list of Failure Philosophers on twitter. And if you have not visited our facebook page full of positive failure philosophies and every day ‘NOtivation’ visit now!
Have you read Go for No! yet? Pick it up at our store here or on Amazon if you prefer. If you like audio books, you ca find all of our books including Go for No! and the newest, The Diamond Line on Audible.
Failure is inevitable. We all know that. We learn this fact of life at very young ages and we develop a response to failure that often follows us into adulthood. Most of us learn to adjust our behavior in order to not experience failure, or at least, not the kind of failure that is very obvious or painful.
We attempt ➜ We Fail ➜ We never try again. The End.
On some level, we all know that the above pattern is a natural but entirely juvenile progression. As we develop and grow, we learn to push back on our knee-jerk, immature response to failure. We have countless sayings to describe this:
“No pain, no gain.”
“It has to get worse before it gets better.”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“If you want the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain.”
If we are brutally honest with ourselves, the degree to which we have internalized this reality is not extreme. We set the bar low. We excuse our choices with equally famous phrases like “I’m only human” and “I can only do so much.” Or, we camouflage our choices to not try (risking failure) as choosing balance or contentment…in “being so Zen.” Humans may be at their most creative when they are trying to justify their own mediocrity.
How often do we unthinkingly change our behavior in order to not experience failure? Put another way, how much and how often do we not try just so we don’t fail? If you’re reading this, you have to be breathing and if you are breathing, you are alive and if you are alive, the answer to that question is: MUCH more often than you realize! As evolved as any one of us may be, the magnet-like pull to avoid failure is immeasurably strong and somehow, every day, we give in to it.
If you imagine a typical day in your head, starting at the beginning, it won’t take you long to come to the first occurrence of something you do mainly to avoid failure. Take a moment to imagine the best that could happen in that scenario and then choose to start there, adjusting your actions based on possible success instead of the fear of failure. And know this: it may not “work.” Failure leads to failure leads to failure…until it doesn’t! Success ONLY comes after failure and usually that looks like this:
Failure ➜ Failure ➜ Failure ➜ Failure ➜ Failure ➜ Success!
Mediocrity requires no change. Success demands it. The path to growth is a direct route to your own failure…and your own success. You are not a child, you can do this. Be bold: fail successfully!
About the Author:
Jeff Shore is a highly sought-after sales expert, speaker, author and executive coach whose innovative BE BOLD methodology teaches you how to change your mindset and change your world. His latest book, Be Bold and Win the Sale: Get Out of Your Comfort Zone and Boost Your Performance, is forthcoming from McGraw-Hill in January 2014. Learn more at jeffshore.com and follow Jeff on Twitter.
Follow this Q-Tip Philosophy. I’ll be discussing this idea in greater depth on Breakthrough Business Strategies Radio with Michele Price, Monday, October 28th at Noon Eastern.
Please join us as I will be talking about the foundations of getting over this insidious habit that has the power to delay and destroy success!
Sometimes a new idea comes along that turns all the old models of thinking upside down. We like to think ‘Go for No’ did that for fear of rejection. Well, now here is new way to simply ask a new kind of question that can immediately change your life.
When you embrace ‘no’ and allow yourself to explore opportunities, experiences, business deals, sales… all with a potential rejection, your opportunities for success increase as well. Because we’ve all been programmed to believe in chasing ‘success’ we tend to go for the sure thing. You what the sure thing is? Usually the safest thing too. As our friend Randy Gage says, “Risky is the New Safe.” Risk your ego… embrace failure… rejection… and potential no’s for bigger dreams, a new world, and a much better pay off!